2 o’clock AM, Murray Hill
Blood all over.
He finds her crouching on the cold bathroom floor
They are used to this.
"Our baby is gone."
Again.
9 o’clock AM, Washington Heights
Heading home to get some real sleep-
Away from loud music and smoke
Finally getting the chance to cover her body
And cherish it as her own
Not something worth mere cash or jewelry.
Mentally preparing for working at another party tonight.
Blue eyes staring back at her in the mirror,
She hears the sounds of laughter in the hallways,
Sounds that are foreign to her.
She raises her sleeve and stares at the fresh scars
Still trickling fresh blood.
She promises her self- no more.
But life seems to be going on too long to keep that promise.
4 o’clock PM, East Harlem
She sees him hanging around the playground,
He only comes to school once school is over
Sharing in his victim-hood
Sharing the powder that has ruined his life.
Though he doesn’t want to know that.
12 o’clock AM, Lower East Side
His hot breath in her face.
Coarse skin pressing onto her.
She feels the pressure.
And he leaves without a sound.
She has learned not to waste her energy screaming.
I absolutely LOVEDDD this poem! I loved every aspect of it. I loved the word choice, the description, the structure, the personalizing of each character. This reminds me of the dark mood of your first poem, which is really nice because it kind of brings the poem full circle. i wish i could give you constructive criticism because you give the best ones but i really can't because i love this poem so much! good job!
ReplyDeleteI really loved the structure of this poem. You were successfully able to create such dark, ominous, and depressing thoughts and feelings without saying anything straight forwardly, which is what we've been trying to master all semester. I loved the first lines with the time and place as it creates a great flow.
ReplyDeleteOnly thing I would say is I'm not sure if you intended the first stanza to have shorter lines than the rest of them, but it takes away a little from the overall visual. Overall, I really think this was an awesome poem!
This is such a powerful poem. You can really feel the emotional strain of each character at each time. I like how you structured it, starting each stanza with a new time of day. It really shows the reader that no matter what time or what part of New York you are in there are going to be hardships. Very creative!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a powerful poem. You can really feel the emotional strain of each character at each time. I like how you structured it, starting each stanza with a new time of day. It really shows the reader that no matter what time or what part of New York you are in there are going to be hardships. Very creative!
ReplyDelete