Oh, so proudly gleaming, at dawn light.
In Zion, with Zion, toward Zion, heart yearning in Zion.
O, with thy love thee see all true love.
* This short "cut up" poem is a combination of words chosen from three national anthems. These words are chosen from a very specific pattern of the words עם ישראל חי, which mean "The nation of Israel is still alive." Each of the letters in this verse is accorded the number of its position in the Hebrew alphabet. In each of the national anthems, words are counted according to these numbers and then positioned according to the author's discretion. The first line corresponds to the American national anthem; the second the Israeli national anthem; the third the Canadian national anthem. All these countries represent the author's allegiances.
Note: the author used her discretion in repeating or not repeating words chosen according to the pattern.
י
|
ח
|
ל
|
א
|
ר
|
ש
|
י
|
ם
|
ע
|
10
|
8
|
12
|
1
|
20
|
21
|
10
|
13
|
16
|
This is a very unique idea and you really pulled this off! It is a short poem, yet it does not look like you did not put effort. It does not need to be longer, as it gets it's point and feeling across very well.
ReplyDeleteHi! This is a really interesting and original idea for a poem! I really like how you used the placement of the letters in the alphabet to chose the words of the poem. Each line alone is nicely put together, and I think the length of the poem also works here.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I think could be improved is how the lines relate with each other, because they seem to be slightly disconnected. This might be accomplished by combining all the words together throughout the three lines, synthesizing the anthems. If you want to retain the concept of each line being from a certain national anthem then you can disregard this, but I think it might work really well and even symbolize how the author must synthesize these three nations within herself.
Wow, that is a really interesting idea for a poem! It gave me a sense of pride for being who I am. Though this poem relates to the author, I really wish it was longer.. Maybe adding more national anthems, like for the rest of the Jews in the world. I think that would send a more powerful message and would build a wider connection to the poem. Otherwise, I truly do love this unique idea!
ReplyDeleteThis poem is so unique! Like stated above, although it is a shorter poem, you can tell you put in a lot of effort by the explanation. Also, very cool picture!! I think you can make this even better if you used more! I just wanted to read more! Maybe you can use other anthems as well to add more or you can use more lines from the anthems you already have and switch off between them. You can do a lot of interesting things with this very unique idea! Great job!
ReplyDeleteWow, this is incredible unique and creative, and I am impressed by the whole process. I appreciated that you explained it to us with the paragraph, and the image is really great! Each line creates a powerful thought or message! However I think that making it longer may help with conveying your opinions. It seems almost a waste to not develop this extreme creativity and build on it. Really great job though!
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your comments! Though I took all your opinions into account, I have decided to keep this poem short because the meaning of the poem is otherwise compromised. This poem is reflecting the speaker's (i.e. me) three nationalities, which is reflective of Jews in general. Jewish people who are in "exile" and living outside Israel still feel a great connection to all of their national communities. I did not include other countries because they don't reflect my specific journey and challenge of uniting my three nationalities. Thanks everyone!
ReplyDelete